Jeremy Hunt is in a bit of bother, and has been updating his CV ever since David Cameron expressed his full confidence in his Culture Secretary.
Alex Salmond has denied claims that he is Murdoch's lapdog, and was merely expressing concerns for Scottish jobs - mainly his judging by things. The truth may be more simpler: Donald and Alex have had a wee falling out over the wind turbines. People were hoping it would blow over, but Donald sees an ill wind. Meanwhile, Rupert, anxious to see goodwill in Scotland - a place he finds emotional - has sent none other than Dear Deirdrie in to sort things out. Expect the next Photocasebook to have Alex and Donald in it, but hopefully not in abbreviated clothing as is normal for the Sun. Although some unkind soul may remark that no ladies will be required since there will a couple of tits on display anyway.
Heathrow has a problem with queues. Although not quite on the scale experienced in Argos during December, things are getting worse. The unions are arguing that there is no real control and that illegal immigration is no better than before. I have a suggestion - get the same
In entertainment, Katie Price (aka Jordan) is to marry yet again. Third time apparently.......... this week.
Defence cuts are biting harder than expected, with NATO only able to deploy cardboard boats in the exercise off Scottish waters. New equipment for tea breaks consist of chocolate kettles.
As I write, Rangers fans are marching on Hampden. Ironically enough this might be the last time they do so unless the Blue Knights come to the rescue. Personally, they should have called for the X-Men.
Tourism is important to Scotland, despite Trump's warnings. Research has shown that tourists want to experience the "real" Scotland, so some budding entrepeneurs submitted this masterpiece to Visit Scotland. Sadly, it was rejected.
But well worth a look: